INTRODUCTORY LECTURE: THE TRUE PATH
v MEDITATION: I NEED TO FIND THE WAY
My spirit is disappointed and living in two worlds: my world and my inner world. I have no
peace. In my inner world, my soul dwells in darkness of lies that lie in the depths of my
hidden thoughts. Chained and captive I wish to achieve my dreams, forget my pain and be
able to forgive, ask for forgiveness and forgive myself. But… I cannot! Silent voices
emerge out of control and control me. I want to but I cannot, I can but I do not want to.
And it is that I feel different from others. I feel that I don´t have a special place where to
stand, a place where I belong. I feel empty like something I've lost or that I have to find. I
feel unsafe with other people because I feel that I am not accepted even if they prove me
otherwise. So I give myself unconditionally and came to lose my dignity. Is that in the end,
88
I just want me to be accept because I have had many painful experiences in my journey in
this world that I need to love and be loved.
I rode through paths of sin because I was trying to forget thoughts that torture me and I
wanted to revenge of the damage that I have suffered.
My emotions change and I cannot dominate that and I live in the midst of the anguish,
anxiety or depression. I undertake things but I cannot finish them; I feel that I am
insignificant because I have no purpose in this life. Frustration invades me for not being
able to make justice against the life that have detached me so many things, against those
that laugh at me and that I loved, but they destroyed my life.
I try to get out of what I've fallen and destroy me as well as those who surround me, but... I
can't. Then I take refuge again in my sins that wrapped in a vicious cycle and enslave me,
and I hear the silent voices that confuse me. I don't know which path to follow.
And the days pass on, the time goes by and my internal forces are exhausted. Everything
I've tried everything, there is no hope for me. I am a slave to my past, I am a slave to my
unattainable ideals of a future that will not be. Forget living in my present because I don't
know how to love me, why I cannot love others. I'm desperately looking for God, but I
don't know how He can help me. Can God transform me or comfort me?
Can he rescue me from my own darkness, show me a Flash of light which might lead me to
my perfect peace or may replace my broken heart, perhaps in a moment or a day, or by a
prayer?
89
God may not want to accept me because I am unworthy and so sinful. I have been hurt by
others´ damage; I have much hate within me, but I admit that I have also hurt others.
And my journey through life keeps going on, because the wheels of time move out without
mercy.
Where can I find the path of peace that guides me to really know who I am?
Where are the bars of my own prison? Where are chains, the walls, the strengths, and the
darkness of my inner world? Around me but I cannot destroy them because they are
between my mind and heart, between my soul and my spirit division.
My ego in distress yells. It is my true voice in the midst of other misleading voices of lies;
they are chained to walls, fortresses, chains of ice, of hatred, which they blame me in the
darkness; they punish and prevent me from seeing the light. They are in a cold place where
there is no love, I am slave of myself, and even though I am awake, my soul still sees
darkness.
I hear about a God of love, but when I am alone I wonder if I can please him because I fear
not to leave the sin that I'm stuck at and I fear to fail Him. If He asks me to transform my
life! How could I do if I do not know another way of living, if everything is against me?
I need to find the way to be free and a voice that guide me on the hustle and bustle of the
confused voices of fear, and deep anger that I feel. I need a hand that would raise me when
I fall down, arms that hold me in rest when I am almost to give up and a peaceful presence
to bring me a new radiance with new forces and hopes which make me feel that the way to
achieve the inner peace is closer.
90
This is the crying of a captive and slave man because of sin. The crying of the inner nature;
let´s see which is the way to go
v MEDITATION: I NEED TO FIND THE WAY
My spirit is disappointed and living in two worlds: my world and my inner world. I have no
peace. In my inner world, my soul dwells in darkness of lies that lie in the depths of my
hidden thoughts. Chained and captive I wish to achieve my dreams, forget my pain and be
able to forgive, ask for forgiveness and forgive myself. But… I cannot! Silent voices
emerge out of control and control me. I want to but I cannot, I can but I do not want to.
And it is that I feel different from others. I feel that I don´t have a special place where to
stand, a place where I belong. I feel empty like something I've lost or that I have to find. I
feel unsafe with other people because I feel that I am not accepted even if they prove me
otherwise. So I give myself unconditionally and came to lose my dignity. Is that in the end,
88
I just want me to be accept because I have had many painful experiences in my journey in
this world that I need to love and be loved.
I rode through paths of sin because I was trying to forget thoughts that torture me and I
wanted to revenge of the damage that I have suffered.
My emotions change and I cannot dominate that and I live in the midst of the anguish,
anxiety or depression. I undertake things but I cannot finish them; I feel that I am
insignificant because I have no purpose in this life. Frustration invades me for not being
able to make justice against the life that have detached me so many things, against those
that laugh at me and that I loved, but they destroyed my life.
I try to get out of what I've fallen and destroy me as well as those who surround me, but... I
can't. Then I take refuge again in my sins that wrapped in a vicious cycle and enslave me,
and I hear the silent voices that confuse me. I don't know which path to follow.
And the days pass on, the time goes by and my internal forces are exhausted. Everything
I've tried everything, there is no hope for me. I am a slave to my past, I am a slave to my
unattainable ideals of a future that will not be. Forget living in my present because I don't
know how to love me, why I cannot love others. I'm desperately looking for God, but I
don't know how He can help me. Can God transform me or comfort me?
Can he rescue me from my own darkness, show me a Flash of light which might lead me to
my perfect peace or may replace my broken heart, perhaps in a moment or a day, or by a
prayer?
89
God may not want to accept me because I am unworthy and so sinful. I have been hurt by
others´ damage; I have much hate within me, but I admit that I have also hurt others.
And my journey through life keeps going on, because the wheels of time move out without
mercy.
Where can I find the path of peace that guides me to really know who I am?
Where are the bars of my own prison? Where are chains, the walls, the strengths, and the
darkness of my inner world? Around me but I cannot destroy them because they are
between my mind and heart, between my soul and my spirit division.
My ego in distress yells. It is my true voice in the midst of other misleading voices of lies;
they are chained to walls, fortresses, chains of ice, of hatred, which they blame me in the
darkness; they punish and prevent me from seeing the light. They are in a cold place where
there is no love, I am slave of myself, and even though I am awake, my soul still sees
darkness.
I hear about a God of love, but when I am alone I wonder if I can please him because I fear
not to leave the sin that I'm stuck at and I fear to fail Him. If He asks me to transform my
life! How could I do if I do not know another way of living, if everything is against me?
I need to find the way to be free and a voice that guide me on the hustle and bustle of the
confused voices of fear, and deep anger that I feel. I need a hand that would raise me when
I fall down, arms that hold me in rest when I am almost to give up and a peaceful presence
to bring me a new radiance with new forces and hopes which make me feel that the way to
achieve the inner peace is closer.
90
This is the crying of a captive and slave man because of sin. The crying of the inner nature;
let´s see which is the way to go
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