MEDITATION: THE SERVANT OF GOD´S CALL
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6: 8). I want to bring light to the blind sheep and
anointed with fresh oil to the wounded sheep of your fold.
And you heard my answer but not sent me, told me: "Be still and know that I am God"
(Psalms. 46: 10)
Because I wanted to run to give your message but was not yet ready: should be renewed my
mind and my heart.
I spoke then and said: I will first put my word in your mouth, my love in your arms, my
tears in your eyes, and I will do that your feet are not so you have to listen to me in your
grief. Because I must first get to your wounded heart that still has parts of stone because of
the painful experiences of your past. "I will give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36: 26),
because I talk to the blindly and wound sheep through your mouth and your arms, but I put
my love, my word, my consolation and forgiveness inside of you.
I forgive you, you said, but you must learn to forgive yourself. I destroyed your pride so
you can also ask for forgiveness, and I show my mercy that you have with others to your
around. I free you of yesterday´s pain and the anxiety and uncertainty that produced you
your morning because bind you and make you a slave. Transform and form you is only
possible if you learn to trust my power and fidelity only through difficult times.
You did then let test and more tests in my life up to the limit of my strength, but I fell not
because you were caring for me.
36
You touched my emotional area, my feelings; You shattered my goals and dreams and
changed them by the thoughts of God (Isaiah 55: 9).
In order to comfort others I should first feel your comfort (2 Corinthians 1: 4). I was
consoled while I was crying and asked incredulous why you let my suffering prevented me
to serve you because I had said: here I am Lord.
You placed your word in my wounded heart and my heart was in my mouth and shed your
love in my hands to make me your servant in the classrooms of God.
You were preparing me in the Ministry of consolation and mercy to the injured sheep,
because you heard my prayer when I said: here I am Lord.
You were removing the bandage from my eyes so that I might lead to other blind people.
You were giving me mercy and Word power for the sick, the bedridden, solitaire, the
needing and all that you call your children and that I can now see when I remember my
pain.
You had to fill the pot that you fashioned with the mud of my existence; you formed me,
and took me to your heavenly classrooms.
Gave me the cross of Christ because I had to go to Calvary and die to myself, Christ rise
and live within my inner self.
I did not understand that you were preparing me because there is no other way to
understand and feel the pain of others, only through the pain itself.
I now understand why. You speak to others through the love for you because “Whoever
does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4: 8). You found in me a
prepared heart, full of weaknesses and suffering, but it was the perfect clay for your power
to be glorified because your power is glorified in weakness (2 Corinthians 12: 9).
And I was wondering... why, why Lord?
37
But now I know that there is no “why” in the school of God but “what for” which is the
right question because it answers to God's purposes.
But even if you understand that I am clay in your hands I wonder: until when Lord? Until
when I am going to be tested so I will serve you as I want to, Lord? And you answered: it is
not as you want but as I want to, for I am your God.
And now, as time goes by, still in the school of God, I look back and I understand that I
have learned your Word through grief, because only pain destroys the fortresses built in the
past and in Sin: pride, selfishness, and everything that belongs to my egocentric nature and
that refuses to die so that You will live within me.
Today when I see the enslaved memory when I was slaved, when I hear those who show
anger I know that they are tied to their pain. When I see the wound sheep and the prostrated
in a bed, I realize that it is there where I need my arms and your mercy within me to love,
and proclaim the message of salvation.
God is spirit (John 4: 24). You need a life ready to use his mouth, his arms and his feet to
come and go wherever you send him but with a renewed mind and heart. You need
someone who understands that it is more blessed to give than to receive: you need someone
with a testimony that can speak with conviction and authority in the name of the Lord.
Now I understand that You prepare your servants: in the pit of grief.
I know that what I've written and all that you have given me I can give it without
selfishness because it belongs not to me but to you; they are your thoughts and your
feelings, they are the instrument for your Holy Spirit to destroy "the yoke of oppression"
(Isaiah 10: 27) because you now live within me, because you made me thy servant.
38
I know that you are sovereign and all you allow has a purpose in my life and that of others.
And I still say: here I am Lord! Because I'd rather die myself so that others live in you, than
live myself and let others die without your salvation and consolation.
“See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”
(Isaiah 48: 10)
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6: 8). I want to bring light to the blind sheep and
anointed with fresh oil to the wounded sheep of your fold.
And you heard my answer but not sent me, told me: "Be still and know that I am God"
(Psalms. 46: 10)
Because I wanted to run to give your message but was not yet ready: should be renewed my
mind and my heart.
I spoke then and said: I will first put my word in your mouth, my love in your arms, my
tears in your eyes, and I will do that your feet are not so you have to listen to me in your
grief. Because I must first get to your wounded heart that still has parts of stone because of
the painful experiences of your past. "I will give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36: 26),
because I talk to the blindly and wound sheep through your mouth and your arms, but I put
my love, my word, my consolation and forgiveness inside of you.
I forgive you, you said, but you must learn to forgive yourself. I destroyed your pride so
you can also ask for forgiveness, and I show my mercy that you have with others to your
around. I free you of yesterday´s pain and the anxiety and uncertainty that produced you
your morning because bind you and make you a slave. Transform and form you is only
possible if you learn to trust my power and fidelity only through difficult times.
You did then let test and more tests in my life up to the limit of my strength, but I fell not
because you were caring for me.
36
You touched my emotional area, my feelings; You shattered my goals and dreams and
changed them by the thoughts of God (Isaiah 55: 9).
In order to comfort others I should first feel your comfort (2 Corinthians 1: 4). I was
consoled while I was crying and asked incredulous why you let my suffering prevented me
to serve you because I had said: here I am Lord.
You placed your word in my wounded heart and my heart was in my mouth and shed your
love in my hands to make me your servant in the classrooms of God.
You were preparing me in the Ministry of consolation and mercy to the injured sheep,
because you heard my prayer when I said: here I am Lord.
You were removing the bandage from my eyes so that I might lead to other blind people.
You were giving me mercy and Word power for the sick, the bedridden, solitaire, the
needing and all that you call your children and that I can now see when I remember my
pain.
You had to fill the pot that you fashioned with the mud of my existence; you formed me,
and took me to your heavenly classrooms.
Gave me the cross of Christ because I had to go to Calvary and die to myself, Christ rise
and live within my inner self.
I did not understand that you were preparing me because there is no other way to
understand and feel the pain of others, only through the pain itself.
I now understand why. You speak to others through the love for you because “Whoever
does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4: 8). You found in me a
prepared heart, full of weaknesses and suffering, but it was the perfect clay for your power
to be glorified because your power is glorified in weakness (2 Corinthians 12: 9).
And I was wondering... why, why Lord?
37
But now I know that there is no “why” in the school of God but “what for” which is the
right question because it answers to God's purposes.
But even if you understand that I am clay in your hands I wonder: until when Lord? Until
when I am going to be tested so I will serve you as I want to, Lord? And you answered: it is
not as you want but as I want to, for I am your God.
And now, as time goes by, still in the school of God, I look back and I understand that I
have learned your Word through grief, because only pain destroys the fortresses built in the
past and in Sin: pride, selfishness, and everything that belongs to my egocentric nature and
that refuses to die so that You will live within me.
Today when I see the enslaved memory when I was slaved, when I hear those who show
anger I know that they are tied to their pain. When I see the wound sheep and the prostrated
in a bed, I realize that it is there where I need my arms and your mercy within me to love,
and proclaim the message of salvation.
God is spirit (John 4: 24). You need a life ready to use his mouth, his arms and his feet to
come and go wherever you send him but with a renewed mind and heart. You need
someone who understands that it is more blessed to give than to receive: you need someone
with a testimony that can speak with conviction and authority in the name of the Lord.
Now I understand that You prepare your servants: in the pit of grief.
I know that what I've written and all that you have given me I can give it without
selfishness because it belongs not to me but to you; they are your thoughts and your
feelings, they are the instrument for your Holy Spirit to destroy "the yoke of oppression"
(Isaiah 10: 27) because you now live within me, because you made me thy servant.
38
I know that you are sovereign and all you allow has a purpose in my life and that of others.
And I still say: here I am Lord! Because I'd rather die myself so that others live in you, than
live myself and let others die without your salvation and consolation.
“See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”
(Isaiah 48: 10)
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